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I love the English language!

For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of English:

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila…floor
2. Atheism is a non-profit organization
3. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
4. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
5. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
6. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
7. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
8. Is there another word for synonym?
9. Where do forest rangers go to “Get away from it all”?
10. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
11. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
12. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
13. Why do they lock gas station toilets? Are they afraid someone will break in and clean them?
14. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
15. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
16. If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
17. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
18. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
19. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
20. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people
21. How is it possible to have a civil war?
22. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
23. Whose cruel idea was it for the world ‘lisp’ to have an ‘s’ in it?
24. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
25. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
26. Can an atheist get insurance against an act of God?
27. Why do shops have signs, ‘Guide dogs only’? The dogs can’t read and their owners are blind.

Yours in crisp, error-free writing,
Jessica xx

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